Grim

It has been a grim few weeks

Apart from the cold that has slowly been creeping down England,

News of premature deaths keeps coming to me

the last straw was when I logged on to a very grim message

someone I knew just literally died minutes ago, of brain cancer

I sincerely pray for his friends and family to be strong

I may not know him closely, yet

what shook me was that

just days before,

I read his status asking for prayers of his fast recovery as he was in the hospital

it reminded me with such strong clarity

how you much you can only plan life

He too has plans for you

Which then starts me worrying on one certain good friend

whom I have not been able to contact since I came back here

T-man, I pray for your health and wait for your lame jokes to light up my days again

Which then also starts me thinking

of the young man that has made a great impact in my life,

despite given such a short time knowing him

One that if given the chance to know him more,

would have been one of the few people whose friendship I know I would treasure forever

Though I have tried holding on to that friendship,

every time I do, he never fail to make me feel foolish for trying (unintentionally i'm sure)

for feeling like the only person who treasures his friendship and company

maybe you realized you've made a mistake in opening your heart,

maybe you realized your heart was wrong in the first place,

or maybe that has always been how you treat the people that have broken your heart,

I have no other choice but to merely assume

I will never know and I will not hold that against him

Though I can't send you this message,

In fear that I would feel even more foolish than I already am

I will write here what I will want you to know,

Whatever you do,

Wherever you are,

Whenever you're feeling alone or down,

I hope you will feel,

That someone somewhere at least,

do still care for you

Even if you don't care for me any more

His smile,

tears me apart

Half of me feels joy and relief at seeing him so easily moving on

Half of me has never felt so alone...

I never told him this,

for I do not want to get his hopes up

but as he will never read this,

I have no problems writing it here

He really was,

the Love of my life